when instead of a rly good fanfic slow burning you it slow roasts you instead cuz you’re weak af
(via pywren)
Inspired by various tumblr posts.
Humans quickly get a reputation among the interplanetry alliance and the reputation is this: when going somewhere dangerous, take a human.
Humans are tough. Humans can last days without food. Humans heal so fast they pierce holes in themselves or inject ink for fun. Humans will walk for days on broken bones in order to make it to safety. Humans will literally cut off bits of themselves if trapped by a disaster.
You would be amazed what humans will do to survive. Or to ensure the survival of others they feel responsible for.
That’s the other thing. Humans pack-bond, and they spill their pack-bonding instincts everywhere. Sure it’s weird when they talk sympathetically to broken spaceships or try to pet every lifeform that scans as non-toxic. It’s even a little weird that just existing in the same place as them for long enough seems to make them care about you. But if you’re hurt, if you’re trapped, if you need someone to fetch help?
You really want a human.
you know fantasy dragon soulbonding fic i want more of that where the humans are the dragons, like, we’re huge, we’re old, we’re scrappy as hell, and if you are small and cute enough we would be delighted to carry you around on our back
holy shit that’f b amazing.
also imagine an alien being like
‘I THINK A HUMAN IMPRINTED ON ME THEY KEEP HANGING AROUND ME’
But imagine aliens that only form social bonds under very specific circumstances having to deal with humans though:
Like, they will bond with a group, and if they move they just bond with a new group while still talking to their old group. They will bond with other species. They encourage their children to practice bonding with inanimate objects. They can have more than one mate in their lifetime. Sometimes they have more than one mate simultaneously. Once they bond with you they’ll start trying to bring other humans they are bonded with to bond with you.
If you stand around them long enough they’ll probably just wander over and try to pat you, this is how they bond with other species. You may have accidentally bonded with a human without knowing it.
Seriously they will bond with anything.
addendum:
“Help the human in our party bonded with a grafknap and now they want to bring it with us”
“I don’t see what the problem is.”
“We’ve already got like five of them, and then there’s the orlaps and vanghus.”
“krrrk sor krrkr going thr krrk -bula spike krrk”
“Companion Mar, how do you sustain these high levels of interpersonal relation?”
“Uh… hanging out, I guess.”
“Hanging out of what, exactly?”
“Sorry, that’s a human phrase used to describe spending leisure time in the general proximity of others for entertainment.”
“But we are very far from your past companions, and yet you have continued to express interpersonal relation to them, in spite of the lack of proximity.”
“Oh, well, I comm them now and then.”
“Interesting. So you posit that physical proximity and verbal communication are key to this relational anomaly?”
“I mean that’s part of it.”
“… great Glarbnack, you’re doing it right now, aren’t you?”
“Oh, come on, Kursp, we’ve been friends for ages, you know that!”
“No! Stop! I can’t believe you would - oh, Glarb, what’s the word? - vefriendle me without even asking me first!”
“Befriend. The word is befriend, Kursp.”
“Ugh, humans! Well I know I can’t stop you but at least try not to emote all over the place.”
“Sure thing, buddy.”
[Enraged squeaking]OMG THIS ONE IS FANTABULOUS
Humans.
Will.
Pet.
Anything.
Humans were famed throughout the galaxy for their loyalty, empathy and creativity. These days no expedition would dream of setting out without at least one. And while the five cycles he had been with this expedition had shown Vaz-ixz-ni how true this is it had also show him how humans indeed could also be an endless source of frustration.
“Human-Companion-Martin, I strongly advice against bonding with that creature. It is predatory.”
“Awww it is just a big kitten, look at it. So cute.”
Ignoring his warnings as usual, the alien retched out one of his five digit paws towards the warily watching zacixaxiz. Vaz-ixz-ni braced himself for quickly dragging the human away if the predator should try biting of the appendage, but it seemed to be feeling playful and instead just rubbed its head against the human`s paw.
“See?” the human said happily as the zacixaxiz started rubbing its whole body against him as he petted it. Five of its eight eyes were closed in satisfaction.
Vaz-ixz-ni stared on in disbelief. Humans really were capable of bonding with everything, including it seemed predators whose name in the local dialect directly translated to “Clawed-Stalker-Killer-Evil eyes”. Even given the locals tendency towards over dramatic naming convention it wasn’t exactly a name that inspired confidence. And humans were so fragile, though he wouldn’t be so rude as to say that out loud. Even if it made him which slightly when the zacixaxiz rolled over on its back and the human started rubbing its belly, its eight legs were all sleek and half as long as the human arm appendage, etch tipped with thankfully indrawn claws that could tear into the soft skin of a human. Companion-Martin didn’t seem all that bothered about it despite the fact that he must have read of the creature in the first survey reports as the rest of them.
Morbidly curious Vaz-ixz-ni decided to ask,
“Human-Companion-Martin why are you so fascinated with this creature?”
The human pulled up its lips displaying a wide array of mostly flat teeth, which with humans were a sign of friendliness and not aggression.
“It look just like a cat from back home! Well, except it is green, and has a lot more eyes and legs.”
“Do these earth “cats” have claws capable of tearing up your skin?”
“Oh yeah for sure, but they don’t do that if they like you, usually.”
Vaz-ixz-ni blinked slowly
“I… see,” he said finally, wondering how any humans ever survived long enough to grow to maturity. Maybe that were how they became such good diplomats. No aliens they encountered were any scarier than the creatures they surrounded themselves with on a daily basis instead of exterminating or placing in zoos as sensible species did.
(via elvencantation)
Humans Are Weird
So there has been a bit of “what if humans were the weird ones?” going around tumblr at the moment and Earth Day got me thinking. Earth is a wonky place, the axis tilts, the orbit wobbles, and the ground spews molten rock for goodness sakes. What if what makes humans weird is just our capacity to survive? What if all the other life bearing planets are these mild, Mediterranean climates with no seasons, no tectonic plates, and no intense weather?
What if several species (including humans) land on a world and the humans are all “SCORE! Earth like world! Let’s get exploring before we get out competed!” And the planet starts offing the other aliens right and left, electric storms, hypothermia, tornadoes and the humans are just … there… counting seconds between flashes, having snowball fights, and just surviving.
To paraphrase one of my favorite bits of a ‘humans are awesome’ fiction megapost: “you don’t know you’re from a Death World until you leave it.” For a ton of reasons, I really like the idea of Earth being Space Australia.
Earth being Space Australia Words cannot express how much I love these posts
(via elvencantation)
The different fanfic eras explained as lunch
Pre-internet era: You walk into a room and sit down at a table. Someone brings you a turkey sandwich, a bag of potato chips, and a soda. Perhaps you are a vegetarian, or gluten-free. Doesn’t matter; you get a turkey sandwich, a bag of potato chips, and a soda.
Usenet era: You walk into a room and sit down to your turkey sandwich, a bag of potato chips, and a soda. Someone tells you that over at the University they are also serving BLTs, pizza, coffee, and beer.
Web 1.0 (aka The Great Schism): You walk into a room. The room is lined with 50 unmarked doors. Someone tells you, “We have enough food to feed you and a hundred more…but we’ve scattered it behind these fifty doors. Good luck!”
Web 2.0 (present): You walk into a room. Someone points at the buffet and says, “Enjoy!” You turn to see a 100-foot-long buffet table, piled high with every kind of food imaginable. To be fair, some of the food is durian, head cheese, and chilled monkey brains, but that’s cool, some people are into those…and trust me, they are even more psyched to be here than you are.
Tumblr (a hell pit): You try to serve yourself a baked potato. An angry child runs up and slaps the plate out of your hand. “NIGHTSHADE PLANTS ARE POISONOUS,” the child yells. You are hungry. The child gives you a turkey sandwich, a bag of potato chips, and a kick on the shin.
(via pywren)
saraneth-deactivated20180428 asked:
Just read your post on the first star wars slash, and ive also been looking for a copy of hoth admiral! There's a university down south that has a huge library of fanzines that might have it, and they're working on a digital archive!
eralkfang Answer:
In the Midwest, actually! The University of Iowa has an extensive special collection focusing on media fandom fanzines and currently works with The Organization for Transformative Works (which also runs our beloved Archive of Our Own) to receive donations of fanzines as part of the Fan Culture Preservation Project. The collection is accessible to the public, so long as you fill out the appropriate form ahead of time so they can pull the zines you want.
The late Ming Wathne’s Fanzine Archives is part of that collection. The Fanzine Archives started out as an extensive Star Wars fanzine lending library and became multifandom over the course of its lifetime, until it was donated to the University of Iowa after Wathne’s death in 2010. All 3,000+ zines of it.
Very sillily, I have never checked the University of Iowa’s website to see if they list what’s included in Wathne’s collection, so thank you for reminding me! Let’s see what we’ve got…
It’s in Imperial Entanglements #1, so they have it. THEY HAVE IT.
Um, road trip?
I looked through Texas A&M University finding aide - both the paper and the digital finding aide (they have some zines scanned) and alas did not find a copy. Iowa welcomes visitors and you can also flatbed scan or copy in their facility.
nightsofllyn asked:
What is the first Star Wars slash fic? I'VE GOTTA KNOW RIGHT NOW!
eralkfang Answer:
OKAY, PREPARE YOURSELF, THIS IS A LONG ONE. Come with me now, on a journey through time and space, to the late seventies…
I’m usually pretty particular about the sorts of traits that get assigned as humanity’s “special thing” in sci-fi settings, but I have to admit that I have a weakness for settings where the thing humanity is known for is something tiny and seemingly inconsequential that it wouldn’t normally occur to you to think of as a distinctive trait.
Like, maybe we have a reputation as a bunch of freaky nihilists because we’re the only species that naturally has the capacity to be amused by our own misfortune.
Alien: Why are you happy? You’ve been seriously injured!
Human: *struggling to control laughter* Yeah, but I can imagine what that must have looked like from the outside, and it’s pretty hilarious.
Alien: …
Captain XXlr’y: First Officer Jane The Human, your olifactory protuberance is severely damaged! Why is this a matter for mirthful celebration???
First Officer Jane The Human: A SPARKLY LITTLE POMERANIAN THING WITH A GODDAMN UNICORN HORN CHASED ME STRAIGHT INTO A WALL! OH MY GOD! DID YOU SEE THAT? I RAN STRAIGHT INTO THE WALL.
Captain XXlr’y: Yes I just observed this sequence of events! It was terrible!
First Officer Jane The Human: OKAY WHO GOT THAT ON CAMERA, I WANNA SEE.
Captain XXlr’y: So you more fully understand that this is a situation you should never get into again?
First Officer Jane The Human: SO I CAN SEND THE VIDEO TO MY MOM!
Captain XXlr’y: For… for the solicitation of maternal concern…?
First Officer Jane The Human: NO, BECAUSE SHE’LL THINK IT’S HILARIOUS TOO.
#humans#we’re the party planet#i will fight you
(via diftor-heh-snusnu)
Galaxy Quest (1999)
I had originally not wanted to see Galaxy Quest because I heard that it was making fun of Star Trek. Then Jonathan Frakes rang me up and said ‘You must not miss this movie! See it on a Saturday night in a full theater.’ And I did, and of course I found it was brilliant. Brilliant. No one laughed louder or longer in the cinema than I did. - Patrick Stewart
(via pywren)
Listen. Do not let anyone tell you what to write or what not to write.
Do not let prevailing fandom interpretations keep you from writing something different, do not let the personal opinions/perspectives of Big Name Fans™ keep you from presenting your own interpretation of characterizations/ship dynamics. Do not be afraid to write for unpopular ships (people will read it and be forever grateful that you created content for their rarepair).
Fandom is a communal experience, yes, but it is made up of individuals. Do not be afraid to stray from the norm. People may disagree with your choices/your interpretations/your writing; that doesn’t make them objectively right.
Do not be ashamed to deviate from fandom narrative.
I needed this right now thank you :)
(via petalsofelrondir)
that’s not………. how child speech works…………………………………………..
god okay in an attempt to be less of an asshole, here’s how child speech DOES work (or tend to work, at least)
- kids tend to hypercorrect — this means that they tend to say things like “sleeped” instead of “slept,” “writed” instead of “wrote,” “goed” instead of “went,” etc
- kids tend not to make errors such as omitting verbs (“i hungry”)
- kids also tend not to make errors in the i/me, she/her department (“me am hungry”)
- simplification of difficult sounds — consonant clusters especially, so things like st, sp, ps, etc., as well as f, v, th-sounds, ch-sounds, etc.
- “babbling”-type utterances (“apwen” for “airplane,” using one babbly word for multiple objects, things like that) generally occur in children under the age of three and a half
- say it with me: an eight-year-old child is not going to be saying “me hungwy”
- do not confuse child speech with stereotypical learner english mistakes, that’s not only incorrect but also gross on the stereotypical learner english front (“me love you long time,” anybody?)
- if you’re going to write kidfic please do some goddamn research
Totally. It can be helpful to remind yourself that young children tend to speak as though the English language actually made sense. Our brains are pattern-recognising machines: children are really, really good at puzzling out the implicit rules of the English language, but they don’t necessarily know all the silly exceptions and bizarre edge cases that break those rules yet - those can only be learned through experience and rote memorisation.
Basically, when children who speak English as a first language make mistakes, it typically reflects a tendency to treat English as more grammatically, syntactically, and/or orthographically consistent than it really is. In some cases, this can be compounded by the fact that some kids will get offended at how little sense “proper” English makes, and insist upon using the more consistent forms even though they know very well that they’re technically “wrong”.
for a long young portion of my life I insisted on pronouncing Sean “SEEN” because that’s how it’s spelled.
(via petalsofelrondir)